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Writer's pictureKelly Daugherty

Crisis Tool kit Part 3

In this blog post, we will explore how educators can effectively support grieving students. You will learn about the importance of mindful communication, what to avoid saying to grieving children, and how to offer comfort and support. Additionally, we will cover how to handle a deceased student or staff member's personal belongings with sensitivity, considerations for attending funerals, and writing heartfelt sympathy cards. Each section will provide practical tips and insights to help you navigate these challenging situations with compassion and care.


By providing a safe and supportive environment, connecting students with support resources, and fostering a sense of community and connection, educators can help grieving students navigate the complex emotions and challenges of grief.


Communicating with Grieving Children:


When speaking to a grieving child, it's important to be mindful of their emotions and what they might be going through.


Here are some things to avoid saying to a grieving child or adult:


  • "I know how you feel." While you might think you understand the child's grief, everyone's experience is different, and it can be dismissive of their unique emotions.

  • Be strong" or "Don't cry." It's important to allow the child to express their feelings in their own way and in their own time.

  • "It's time to move on." Grieving is a process, and everyone goes through it at their own pace. The child may need time and space to process their emotions.

  • "They're in a better place now." A child may believe that the better place is with them here and may not find comfort in that statement.

  • "At least you have (fill in the blank)." This can make the child feel guilty for still feeling sad or for having something when their loved one does not. An empathetic response never starts with at least.

  • "Time heals all wounds." Grief does not have a timetable. Grief is not something you get over but something you learn to live with.

Transitioning now, let’s look at what you can say to offer genuine support and comfort to a grieving child.


Providing Comfort and Support

Supporting a grieving child involves more than just avoiding hurtful phrases. It’s about providing empathy and understanding through your words and actions.


When speaking to a grieving child following the death of a friend it is important to be kind, supportive, and understanding. Listen to the student, validate their feelings, and let them know you are there for them.


Here are some supportive things you can say to a grieving child:


  • "I'm so sorry for your loss." Let the child know you know what has happened, and express your sympathy.

  • "It's okay to be sad and to cry." Encourage the child to express their emotions and let them know whatever emotions they are feeling are ok and valid.

  • "I'm here for you." Let the child know that they can come to you if they need to talk or if they need anything.

  • "Do you want to talk about it?" Give the child the opportunity to express their feelings and share memories of the deceased.

  • "It sounds like your friend was really important in your life. I would love to hear more about them." Asking the student to share memories and stories about the deceased one can help them feel heard, validated, and supported in their grief. It can also provide an opportunity for the student to celebrate their loved one's life and honor their memory.

  • "Let me know how I can help." Offer practical support, such as helping with daily tasks and homework or providing a listening ear.

  • "This has to be really hard for you." z

  • "Your loved one will always be with you in your memories. Can you share a memory of them?" Help the child understand that they can cherish their memories of the deceased and keep them close.

  • "I can see how much ________ meant to you, and I am here to listen and support you through your grief, and I am here to listen and support you through your grief journey." Acknowledging the significance of the student's relationship with their loved one and offering to listen and support them through their grief journey can be a powerful way to show empathy and offer comfort.

  • Remember that everyone grieves differently, so it's important to listen to the child's needs and provide support in a way that is helpful for them.


Next, we will discuss how to handle the personal belongings of a deceased student or staff member with sensitivity and respect.


Handling Personal Belongings with Sensitivity


When a student or staff member dies, handling their personal belongings with sensitivity and respect is crucial. Establish a clear process for removing belongings, communicate with the family, and choose a time outside of normal school hours.


This process should include identifying a specific time for the family to come to the school to clean out the student's desk or locker and assigning a staff member to be present during the removal process to support the family and properly handle the belongings. To avoid overwhelming the family or students, the school should choose a time outside of normal school hours for removal. Suppose the family does not want to be present during the removal. In that case, the school should consider alternative options for handling the belongings, such as donating them to a charity or organization.


Transitioning to another significant aspect, let’s talk about the considerations for attending funerals for deceased students or staff members.


Attending Funerals:


Whether school personnel attends funerals for deceased students or staff members is a personal decision that may depend on a variety of factors, including the individual's relationship with the deceased, the wishes of the family, and the school's policies and practices. Attending a funeral can be a way to show support and solidarity with the family and the school community and honor the deceased individual's memory. However, it's important to respect the family's wishes and cultural or religious traditions regarding funeral attendance and to ensure that any attendance is conducted with sensitivity and respect for the feelings of the family and loved ones. Additionally, it's important to balance any personal desire to attend with the need to maintain professional boundaries and ensure that student's educational needs and the school's operational needs are met.


Finally, let’s explore how to write heartfelt sympathy cards to offer your condolences and support.


Writing Sympathy Cards


Dear [Parents' Names],


I was deeply saddened to hear about the passing of [Student's Name]. [He/She/They] was such a bright and talented student, and [he/she/they] will be deeply missed by everyone at our school.


Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. [Student's Name] touched so many lives with [his/her/their] kind heart and bright spirit, and [he/she/they] will always be remembered by all who knew [him/her/them].


As [Student's Name]'s teacher/principal/counselor, I was privileged to have known [him/her/them] and to have witnessed the impact that [he/she/they] had on our school community. [He/She/They] was a true inspiration to us all, and [he/she/they] will continue to be an inspiration in the years to come.


If there's anything I can do to support you and your family during this difficult time, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I'm here for you and I send my love and condolences to you and your family.


With deepest sympathy,

[Your Name]


If you didn't know the student well but still want to express your condolences and support to the parents, here are some more specific statements you can use in a sympathy card:


  • While I didn't know [Student's Name] well, I know that [he/she/they] had a bright spirit and a kind heart. [He/She/They] will be deeply missed by everyone at our school.

  • I was saddened to hear about the passing of [Student's Name], and I wanted to extend my deepest sympathies to you and your family.

  • Even though I didn't have the opportunity to get to know [Student's Name], I understand that [he/she/they] was a special person who had a positive impact on many lives.

  • I know that there are no words that can ease your pain right now, but please know that you have the support of our entire school community during this difficult time.

  • My heart goes out to you and your family, and I hope that you can find some comfort in the memories of the love and joy that [Student's Name] brought to your life.

  • Even though I didn't know [Student's Name] personally, I understand how much [he/she/they] meant to our school community. [He/She/They] will always be remembered with fondness and respect.

  • I wanted to send my condolences to you and your family during this difficult time. Please know that you are not alone in your grief and that you have the love and support of our entire school community.

  • Although I didn't have the opportunity to know [Student's Name], I'm sure that [he/she/they] was a remarkable young person who touched many lives. [He/She/They] will be deeply missed and always remembered.


Remember to keep your message sincere and heartfelt, and offer your support in any way you can.


Supporting grieving students requires empathy, understanding, and sensitivity. By providing a safe environment, connecting them with resources, and fostering a sense of community, we can help them navigate their grief. Remember, everyone grieves differently, and it's crucial to listen to their needs and provide support in a way that is meaningful to them. Stay tuned for more blog posts in this series, where we will continue to explore ways to support students through their grief journey.

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