Rethinking the Five Stages of Grief, Spiritual Bypassing, and the Role of Ritual: Professional Insights from Dr. Terri Daniel
Rethinking the Five Stages of Grief, Spiritual Bypassing, and the Role of Ritual: Professional Insights from Dr. Terri Daniel
Misconceptions about grief continue to influence how bereaved individuals are supported across healthcare, education, workplaces, and clinical practice. Among the most persistent is the belief that grief follows a predictable sequence of emotional stages. Although this framework remains widely recognized in popular culture, it is frequently misunderstood and often applied in ways that do not reflect contemporary grief research or clinical practice.
For professionals providing grief-informed care, challenging outdated assumptions is an important part of improving support for grieving individuals and families. Effective bereavement support requires moving beyond simplified models toward approaches that recognize grief as an individualized, dynamic, and deeply contextual experience.
In this conversation, end-of-life educator, hospice chaplain, and grief counselor Dr. Terri Daniel explores several topics that continue to shape public understanding of grief, including the widespread misunderstanding of the five stages, the distinction between grief and clinical depression, the concept of spiritual bypassing, and the therapeutic value of personal rituals following loss.
Drawing from decades of experience in hospice, spiritual care, and grief education, Dr. Daniel encourages professionals to approach bereavement with curiosity rather than assumptions while honoring the diverse beliefs, values, and lived experiences that influence how people respond to loss.
Moving Beyond Stage-Based Models of Grief
The five stages developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross were originally intended to describe the experiences of individuals facing terminal illness—not to prescribe how bereaved people should grieve after the death of a loved one. Over time, however, the model became widely adopted as a framework for bereavement despite limited evidence supporting its use in that context.
While many individuals are familiar with the stages, applying them as expectations can unintentionally create pressure for grieving people to believe they should experience specific emotions in a particular order or arrive at a defined endpoint.
For professionals, grief education includes helping individuals understand that grief is not a linear process and that emotional experiences often fluctuate over time. Reducing reliance on stage-based expectations supports more individualized, person-centered care.
Spiritual Bypassing and the Importance of Presence
Another important topic explored in this discussion is spiritual bypassing—the use of spiritual beliefs or practices to avoid engaging with emotional pain.
For helping professionals, distinguishing between supportive spiritual coping and spiritual bypassing requires thoughtful assessment rather than assumptions. Spiritual beliefs may provide profound comfort and resilience for many grieving individuals. At the same time, statements that dismiss or minimize grief by encouraging individuals to "focus on the positive" or suggesting that loss happened for a predetermined reason may unintentionally invalidate their lived experience.
Dr. Daniel also discusses the role of hospice chaplains, emphasizing that contemporary spiritual care extends far beyond religious practice. Chaplains often provide emotional, existential, and meaning-centered support to individuals of diverse belief systems, creating space for questions, uncertainty, and reflection without requiring adherence to a particular faith tradition.
Clinical and Systemic Implications
Several broader implications emerge from this conversation for professionals providing grief-informed care.
First, grief and depression require careful differentiation. While they may share overlapping features, they are distinct experiences that warrant individualized assessment. Conflating grief with psychopathology can contribute to unnecessary pathologizing of natural bereavement responses while overlooking situations that may require additional clinical support.
Second, professionals should remain attentive to the language they use when discussing grief. Educational messaging that emphasizes flexibility, diversity of responses, and ongoing adaptation promotes healthier expectations than language suggesting universal stages or timelines.
Finally, organizations benefit from increasing grief literacy among staff. Healthcare systems, schools, workplaces, and community agencies all play a role in shaping how grief is understood and supported.
Practical Applications for Professionals
Helping professionals can strengthen supporting grieving clients by incorporating several key practices:
Avoid presenting stage-based models as expectations for bereavement.
Assess each individual's emotional, relational, cultural, and spiritual context rather than relying on generalized assumptions.
Differentiate grief from clinical depression through comprehensive assessment.
Explore spiritual beliefs with openness while remaining attentive to potential signs of spiritual bypassing.
Support individualized rituals that help clients maintain meaningful connections, express remembrance, or navigate significant transitions after loss.
Use language that validates the ongoing, evolving nature of grief without suggesting predetermined outcomes.
These practices strengthen bereavement support by honoring both evidence-informed principles and the unique ways individuals experience loss.
Ritual as a Meaning-Centered Practice
Dr. Daniel also highlights the role of personal rituals in adapting to life after loss. Unlike prescribed interventions, rituals are highly individualized and may involve anniversaries, meaningful objects, favorite recipes, letters, symbolic actions, or family traditions.
For professionals, rituals can serve as opportunities for reflection, connection, and continuity rather than attempts to resolve grief. Supporting clients in developing personally meaningful rituals allows care to remain flexible and responsive to individual values, cultures, and beliefs.
As conversations around grief continue to evolve, expanding professional understanding of evidence-informed grief care, spiritual diversity, and individualized meaning-making remains essential to advancing grief education and improving outcomes for grieving individuals and families.
To continue developing expertise in grief-informed care, bereavement support, and evidence-informed approaches to supporting grieving clients, explore the professional trainings, continuing education opportunities, and educational resources available through the Center for Informed Grief.
Guest Bio
Dr. Terri Daniel is an end-of-life educator, hospice chaplain, grief counselor, and author specializing in death education, spirituality, and bereavement. Through her teaching, writing, and clinical work, she helps professionals and families develop a deeper understanding of grief, meaning-making, and compassionate end-of-life care.
Listen on your favorite podcast platform or watch on YouTube at: https://youtu.be/zuyzFBTxhoM
