Grief can affect every aspect of a person's functioning, including emotional regulation, sleep, relationships, decision-making, and coping behaviors. During periods of significant loss, some individuals turn to alcohol or other substances as a way to manage overwhelming emotions, reduce distress, or create temporary relief from painful thoughts and feelings. For professionals providing grief-informed care, understanding the relationship between grief and substance use is an important part of offering compassionate, nonjudgmental bereavement support.
Alcohol use following loss exists on a wide spectrum. Some individuals may experience occasional increased use during difficult periods, while others may develop patterns that interfere with emotional processing, relationships, or overall well-being. Recognizing these behaviors as potential coping responses—rather than simply issues of willpower—allows professionals to better understand the underlying needs and experiences contributing to substance use.
In this conversation, alcohol freedom coach Maureen Benkovich shares her personal experience of using alcohol to cope with the grief associated with being childless not by choice. After years of privately relying on alcohol while navigating a loss that was often misunderstood or overlooked by others, Maureen describes how learning about alcohol's impact on the brain and developing new coping strategies changed her relationship with drinking.
She discusses the ways alcohol can temporarily reduce emotional discomfort while potentially affecting nervous system regulation, mood, and the ability to fully engage with grief. Maureen also explores gray area drinking, different approaches to changing alcohol use patterns, and the importance of addressing the underlying grief rather than focusing solely on the behavior itself.
Understanding Alcohol as a Coping Strategy in Grief
Many grieving individuals are not necessarily seeking to avoid grief entirely—they may be seeking relief from emotions that feel difficult to tolerate. Alcohol can provide short-term reduction in distress, but it may also interfere with sleep, emotional regulation, and the ability to process difficult experiences over time.
For professionals, this distinction matters. Approaching alcohol use with curiosity rather than judgment creates opportunities to explore what the behavior may be communicating. Questions such as "What does alcohol help you manage?" or "What feelings become more difficult when you are not drinking?" may provide valuable insight into a client's experience.
A grief-informed care approach recognizes that coping behaviors often develop in response to pain, isolation, unmet needs, or a lack of available support. Understanding the function of a behavior is an important step toward identifying healthier and more sustainable forms of regulation.
Disenfranchised Grief and Loss That Goes Unrecognized
A significant focus of Maureen's story is disenfranchised grief—the experience of grieving a loss that is not always recognized, openly acknowledged, or socially supported.
The grief associated with being childless not by choice is one example of a loss that may be deeply significant while receiving limited validation from others. Individuals experiencing this type of grief may encounter assumptions, uncomfortable conversations, or a lack of understanding that can intensify feelings of isolation.
For helping professionals, recognizing disenfranchised grief expands the scope of bereavement support. Not all losses involve death, and not all grief receives public acknowledgment. Validating these experiences is an important part of creating a supportive therapeutic environment.
Clinical and Systemic Implications
This conversation highlights several considerations for professionals supporting grieving individuals.
First, grief and substance use should be assessed together rather than viewed as separate concerns. Alcohol use may emerge as an attempt to regulate distress, manage loneliness, numb painful emotions, or navigate a loss that feels difficult to discuss.
Second, professionals should consider the importance of integrated care. Individuals may benefit from collaboration among grief counselors, mental health providers, addiction specialists, healthcare professionals, and peer support communities.
Finally, reducing stigma is essential. Shame surrounding alcohol use can make it more difficult for individuals to seek support. A compassionate, trauma-informed approach creates space for honest conversations about coping, behavior patterns, and the underlying grief experience.
Practical Applications for Professionals
Professionals engaged in supporting grieving clients may consider the following approaches:
Assess changes in alcohol or substance use following significant loss without assuming intent or motivation.
Explore the emotional function of coping behaviors before focusing only on behavior change.
Normalize conversations about grief-related coping strategies while maintaining appropriate clinical boundaries.
Identify whether clients are experiencing disenfranchised grief or losses that have not received adequate acknowledgment.
Provide education about the relationship between alcohol, sleep, nervous system regulation, and emotional processing.
Collaborate with appropriate substance use professionals when additional support is indicated.
Help clients identify alternative regulation strategies that support emotional awareness and long-term adaptation.
These practices contribute to stronger grief education by helping professionals recognize the complex ways individuals respond to loss.
Supporting Rebuilding After Loss
An important theme in this conversation is that changing coping patterns is not simply about removing a behavior—it is about creating space for healthier ways of responding to pain, connection, and life transitions.
For many individuals, rebuilding after loss involves developing new relationships with themselves, their emotions, their bodies, and their communities. This process may include learning new regulation skills, seeking support, and creating opportunities for meaning and connection.
Maureen's story also reinforces the importance of recognizing grief experiences that may remain invisible to others. When professionals expand their understanding of the many forms grief can take, they create more opportunities for individuals to receive support that is responsive, respectful, and effective.
To continue developing skills in grief-informed care, bereavement support, supporting grieving clients, and evidence-informed approaches to complex grief experiences, explore the professional trainings, continuing education opportunities, and educational resources available through the Center for Informed Grief.
Guest Bio
Maureen Benkovich is an alcohol freedom coach who helps individuals change their relationship with alcohol through education, coaching, and personalized support. After her own experience navigating alcohol use while grieving the loss of becoming a parent, she now supports others in understanding the connection between alcohol, emotions, and personal growth.
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